“Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.”
Brene Brown
Shame is a voice many of us know all too well.
Sometimes it’s a quiet whisper: “You shouldn’t do that.” Other times it’s a roar: “You really messed up this time—just like you always do.”
It finds our deepest insecurities and convinces us we are alone, unworthy, and forever falling short.
For some, the response is perfectionism—an endless effort to never make a mistake, never appear weak, never be “found out.” At first, perfectionism can seem like an asset: you’re praised for your standards, work ethic, and dedication. But over time, it often becomes a trap—fueling anxiety, procrastination, harsh self-criticism, and eventually, burnout or withdrawal.
As a recovering perfectionist, I know how shame can quietly shape every corner of life—work, relationships, even how we relax (or don’t). Left unchecked, it can keep us circling the same exhausting loop. But it doesn’t have to stay that way.
In my work with clients, we explore shame with honesty, curiosity, and compassion. We look at the beliefs and patterns that feed it, and we develop new ways of relating to yourself that are grounded in self-respect and resilience. This might involve building assertiveness, softening self-criticism, or experimenting with more playful, flexible ways of engaging with life.
Shame thrives in secrecy. When it’s met with understanding and brought into the open, its power begins to fade. My goal is to help you loosen its grip so you can live with more freedom, connection, and ease.
Below are some of the strategies we might use to reduce the weight of shame.
False Belief Identification
Inaccurate or negative beliefs can lead to feelings and behaviors that restrict self-expression and reinforce poor self-worth. Together, we'll work to identify your hidden beliefs, seek to understand their "roots," assess their legitimacy, and come up with a more accurate way of viewing yourself.
Regret Processing
Regret is a normal part of life. People struggling with perfectionism and shame tend to overidentify with the "should haves" and "could haves" of their past (i.e. I should have done this thing better). We'll work to better understand your regrets and explore the ways in which they impact your current and future outlook.
Exploring your Values
Many of us go through life holding and acting on values that may not be our own, which can lead to feelings of emptiness and self-doubt. In our work, we'll examine and clarify your values and develop strategies to help you live more in alignment with what feels important to you.
Assertiveness Training
Assertiveness training helps us learn how to communicate our wants and needs in a clear and direct manner, which can increase our confidence and improve our relationship with ourselves and others. Together, we'll role-play assertive communication styles and identify barriers that prevent you from pursuing what you want.
Integrating your Shadow
According to Carl Jung, the shadow is our dark side, the part we hide from ourselves and others. It also happens to be the key to unlocking our potential and strength. We'll get to know your shadow and explore the ways you can benefit from bringing more of it into your life.
Self-Acceptance
Accepting ourselves for who we are and not what we're "supposed to be" is key to mental health. Ironically, when we accept ourselves, flaws and all, we can make changes towards becoming what we want. We'll explore what gets in the way of you accepting more of yourself and identify the changes you hope to make.